Sometimes I feel like I am seen as weak. Sensitive to the core, honest, sometimes over-sharing. But you know, I am trying to tackle all the fake in the world with my honesty. Honestly inquiring about the people I work with has been right now one of the hardest things. Because I have been treated not very humanly in return. I have not been taken care of, they just threw me into the deep end awaiting if I drown or swim. It's not been fun. I showed up, every single day. Often wavering, being nervous as fuck. Questioning why I am on this ward with these people. Asking myself if this is the right place for me. More times than I can count I talked and thought about quitting.
It also taught me, the work I am doing by being honest, mindful and caring
IS NOT WASTED.
By showing yourself and being vulnerable you make yourself more bare than most people. You will get hurt, of course. You will face-plant in the deepest, darkest shit hole. This, I promise you.
You will get up, clean yourself and try again. And again. And again. As many times, as is necessary. Yes, this is a hard lesson, which might drive you to the edge of yourself, so far out you might think it's not possible to go any further.
The fruit will show. The fruit of being an honest, sensitive, caring person. It's going to be wonderful when the people who you have been partnered with (romantically or not) keep showing up for you. It's beautiful when they hold space for you, knowing right now that's all you need. It's the best when all the honesty comes back reflected at you. The icing on the cake is, when people follow your example. All the tools they have been given, are not getting them anywhere. And those people know, that treating another person with blame, degrading and humiliating them is wrong. They don't have the tools to be any different. I wholeheartedly believe that everyone out there in this world is doing the best they can. If you lead by example, some will follow. Some might not, for now. That's okay too. Eventually they will, or their path in life will go a different way.
What I know for sure, the work you are doing is of value. You are the ancient, healing magician the world needs right now. We need all the teamplayers, the leaders, and trusting intuitives to heal this world in every corner. Start small. You can change the world by caring for and appreciating others. Stop hiding, keep showing up. Boldly and strong. YOU are needed out here. Join me to love these broken souls back together. I know we can do this.