goodbye, 2017

Oh my goodness. What a year.

This year rushed by. I know I keep saying it, but every year the time keeps moving faster. Honestly, how can I have a 6 year old. Isn't that crazy?!

2017 has been about growing, grounding myself where I am, developing deep and lasting friendships. I met some of the most incredible people offline, in this city. It is really pretty awesome, but so unlikely how we found each other. And yet, we have been meant for each other. I always wanted a sister. now I got three of them. And we raise our kids together, mix our families and are each others rocks to fall back on when life is hard. I know this year would have not been possible for me in the way it happened if it wouldn't be for you. You know who you are. I wouldn't have had the courage to step out of the ordinary and go live my truth. Thank you for accepting me the way you have been, holding my hand during it all and for being so awesome.

Also, 2017 had me appreciating my online family very much too. Thank you for your support. Especially on Instagram, where I often share the hard stuff. You have been so supportive. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 
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So, yes I have grown. I am feeling like an adult half of the time. the other half I am still the kiddo who is excited about kids movies, eating breakfast in bed, reading sweet kid books and all the things I get to do because I hold the privilege of raising awesome kids. Yet I have found a deep inner sense of taking no sh*t. I can and will stand up for how I feel and think without feeling guilty. Without letting my mind tell me it's wrong. I have learned to be responsible not only for the well-being of my children, but my own. I had to learn that the hard way, being physically sick, emotionally drained and pretty unhappy when I had no reason - or very little - to be. I am done compromising myself in order to be liked or being percieved as easy-going. I may be quiet, but I am not shy and I can say what I mean & want. So, yeah I have been speaking up and the wheels it turned in my life has been nothing short of amazing.

I got a nursing job pretty fast. I was able to leave the dead-end of my marriage.

2017 also taught how not to run. This year challenged me, to grow up. I overcame my own limitations and borders of myself. I found the deep spark and strength I wasn't sure existed. I found my essence in myself. My truth and been living that out loud for everyone to see. And truly living feels nothing short of amazing. At the same time it makes me ache for the years I have not been living this truth. My life could have been so easy, most of all not that self-destructive like it has been up until recently.

And yet, I stand here. On the cusp of a new year and am thankful for the ride and the hard, but necessary lessons it taught me. Thank you, 2017. You made me better in ways I have not the ability to put into any words. I don't think they exist. I am ready to close the chapter of you. I am excited what the New Year holds and how many unexpected turns it will bring. I guess, it'll be wild. And that's the point of living, right?!

Sign me up.

Goodbye 2017!

Hello, 2018.