It started slowly. I couldn't identify certain words while reading, so I just held my reading device closer to me, so I could see better. I hardly ever go out by darkness and when I do it happened quite a lot that I stumbled or got on the wrong bus. For a long time I just thought I am a bit scatterbrained. Or that I couldn't figure out certain situations. I found excuse after excuse until finally my body made me go to the optometrist.


I found out after a long time of headaches and kind of uncertain overwhelmedness that my eyes don't work the way they are supposed to. Never have. But the human body is so clever that it can do with a failing body part permanently. It just finds clever ways to work around. So, my body did.

After I got my glasses I nearly cried because I never thought my vision was that bad. I see things clearly in dim light or darkness again. I see contrasts of moving things like leaves in the wind and I certainly can now read where the bus/subway on the other side of the road is going to. I can read aloud again without mispronouncing words or rephrasing myself.

I navigated me and two kids for a very long time, without even realizing that something is wrong. That scares me now. I feel lucky that we could scrape the money together so I could get some glasses. This new normal takes time getting used to. It's a completely new way of seeing and more importantly experiencing things without the underlying stress I never understood.

If you ever feel like there is something wrong, go see a doctor or other specialist. Take care of yourself. And treat yourself once in a while. You deserve it.